but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize