u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm gonna fight the coyote
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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