whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
