I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
