I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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