First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
