The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
