just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
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I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
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Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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