One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
