I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
