the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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