hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
everyone is single if you try hard enough
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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