Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
