Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
