Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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