when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
