The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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