you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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