Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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