I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
