she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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