I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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