that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I made him laugh his dick is mine
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
how does that bad decision feel?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
