DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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