She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
