I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
