turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
