i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Two words: blizzard sex
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
