I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
