Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
