So drunk its hurt
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
