sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
