the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
