I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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