one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
