I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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