I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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