I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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