its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
