belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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