Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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