well I can't set my house on fire every night
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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