You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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