I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize