when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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