In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
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