why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
