Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
