I just made out with a guy for $7.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
