Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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