I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
