yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
