What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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