I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
