So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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