what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
