Little spoons don't ask big questions
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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