I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
