I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
