Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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