im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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