omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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